After the Moment
by Siana17
Summary: A post-Epitaph Two story, following Adelle and her thoughts about Topher as she rebuilds the world.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: Okay, so this is my first official fan fiction. I adore Dollhouse, and clearly there's so much scope for fan fiction with it. This is post-Epitaph Two, following Adelle and centering mainly around her relationship with Topher and what happens to her in the years after the end/new beginning. I actually I have a very detailed story in my mind about Adelle rebuilding the world, but this focuses on specific points and her thoughts about Topher. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I don't think I ever will be, and I really needed to write something about her afterwards.**

**I love Topher an awful lot. I am completely unable to do him justice and any description of him I try to write is in adequate. Apologies for this.**

**Zone and the girl who Caroline II really is feature in the story, and I've renamed them. I assume Zone wasn't always his name, and I always want to make it clear that I have softened his character a bit, because all his tough stuff was for the war.**

**Well, this author note is far too large now. I'll just get on with it. I hope you enjoy it, and criticism (of the constructive kind) is greatly appreciated!**

* * *

"_We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment."_

* * *

She remembered holding his face in her hands, kissing his head. She remembered watching him go, walking away from her, to their salvation and his destruction. She should have stopped him. She could have stopped him.

She could have gone with him. He shouldn't have been alone.

Adelle placed her hand against her mouth, attempting to stifle the sobs as the tears came pouring out. She was alone, now, in an old office, half destroyed, not far from the Dollhouse. The others, the freshly reset, were in other rooms nearby, attempting to sleep. Attempting to make sense of all that had happened.

It had been less than 24 hours, but it felt like an age. She'd had to be strong, she always had to be strong. She'd brought them all together; the wiped people Alpha had cared for, the butchers roaming the streets, the few scared, messed up people hiding out in the ruins. She had gathered them together, and explained it all.

A war had raged for 10 years, crazed and self indulgent business men using advanced technology to wipe people out of their own heads and replace them with someone, or something, else. A decade of half the population filled only with a desire to destroy the other half, whilst the fat cats at the top controlled it all, eating and laughing and indulging in all life's luxuries, moving from body to body without a care in the world. No purpose to any of it. And a man named Topher Brink who saved them all, who sacrificed himself to restore humanity.

To restore the humanity he believed he himself had taken away. She couldn't understand it, she could never understand it, how he blamed himself so entirely. Of all those who'd played their part, he was least to blame. He was led astray... he was seduced by the science... he was betrayed. By her. Yet he never blamed her.

She threw herself onto the sofa that remained in the corner of the room, wishing there was a glass of vodka in her hand. She wiped her eyes furiously. She had to stop this, she had to get her head straight. Do the job he'd left for her to do.

But her heart wept for him. The poor, lonely boy; the intelligent, humorous man. Her friend. Her son.

There was a knock on the door. Quickly, Adelle pulled herself upright and wiped her eyes again. "Come in," she said.

Zone entered. Or rather, she reminded herself, Michael the landscape architect.

"Hey," he said. He looked lost, out of place, unsure. The war he knew how to fight was over, and he didn't know what to do next. "So what now?" he asked, joining Adelle on the sofa.

"Oh..." she sighed, leaning back, a hand over her eyes. "I don't know. We need to... There are so many. So many people out there who need to understand. The whole world, with no one to explain. We'll have to broadcast... get the message out... And we need to find all the tech, all the wedges, all the backups of people like Harding and Ambrose..." She was talking quicker now, sitting up, getting into her stride, glad to have something else to think about. This was what she needed. Work to do. "We'll have to organise. There's a new world to set up – it's all collapsed. We need to rebuild, we need to –"

"Hey," interrupted Michael, "let's start small, maybe. Like, food."

"Food. Right." Adelle sighed. "These poor people. They've lost so much. Their world has been destroyed and they don't even remember it. They're stuck at different points in time, trying to understand... And we don't even have any food to give them."

"Well. Better this than before, right? The world is on the mend!" Michael laughed and clapped his hands together. "I never thought I'd see the day. And if we've got this far... we can damn well get that bit further."

Adelle jerked her head in something like assent, a half smile on her lips. But she placed her head in her hands and for a moment they sat in silence.

"What you said before... out there," Michael began, "when you were telling them all what happened. Is it true? That Topher guy – he invented it all? The tech that destroyed everything?"

Adelle's head shot up, her eyes boring into his. "Why? Does that make you hate him? Does that make his... You didn't know him."

"No. I know. I didn't mean... What he did today, that's just..." Michael shrugged. "Well. I didn't know, is all."

Adelle looked away, staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry," he said. "About Topher. You... you loved him, right?"

Again, her head shot up, but her gaze was softer this time. She looked at him almost as though she wasn't seeing him at all.

"Yes," she said, simply. "More than anything, I loved him very much. He was like a son to me."

"I'm sorry," Michael repeated. "At least... at least you know he died for a reason. For something good. He did... a noble thing."

Adelle snorted, getting to her feet and striding across the room. "He should never have had to," she said. She looked at Michael, sitting on the couch and watching her. "He never..." Her voice broke off and she turned away abruptly. Out of the broken windows she could see the remains of the old Rossum building. The windows blown out of the top floors...

She turned back to Michael.

"We need to get out of LA. We won't find food here. We'll head away from the city, there'll be food somewhere. We'll find more people; maybe more Actuals, hiding out."

Michael hesitated for a moment, then stood, nodding, understanding. "Right. What do you want me to do?"

Adelle paused and spread her hands. "We'll stay here for the night. You just... just do what you can to help them. Look after Camilla. Tomorrow, we'll move on."

* * *

**Okay, so there it is. Chapter Two will follow shortly. I'd love to know what people think.**


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: A bit of a random chapter that I'm not really happy with. The idea is to cover a long period; imagine the entire rebuilding of the world – law and order, economy, political system, education, whatever, all of it. But clearly that's a different and much bigger story.**

* * *

_"We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

And so they travelled, began the long work that needed doing. Adelle brought them together, united the lost race, cared for them, guided them. Ever the shepherd, as Echo had said. That voice, that word, rang in her head constantly. What did it mean, to be the shepherd? What was it her duty to do, and what was too far? Where did she draw the line between helping them and controlling them? There was no Echo, no Paul, no Topher to help her keep the balance now. She was scared - a tiny, almost unacknowledged, prick of fear inside her – that she would ruin it all. Why should she be charged with rebuilding the world, leading it out of Hell, when it was – as a voice in her head constantly reminded her – she who had helped drag them into it?

But these thoughts only came sometimes, when she was alone. Mostly, there was too much to do, too much to think about and organise, to let her mind wander like this. And besides, she knew, she knew, this was what the world needed. There had to be some degree of control, someone with the power. It was just a matter of doing the right thing with it...

And there was Michael. Her right-hand man. He wasn't like Echo and the others, he wouldn't attack her when she seemed to do something questionable. He'd support her. But all the same, he still helped her balance. His presence stopped her falling over that precipice she sometimes felt she was standing on. He helped her stay strong.


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: Reviews = lovely. Please.**

**What do others think about what Topher did?**

* * *

_"We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

"_You don't have to do it, you know. At least not alone."_

"_I do. I'll fix what we did to their heads. You fix what we did to the rest of the world." He paused, and leant closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Your job is _way_ harder." He moved back, that small smile on his lips; the one that she had come to understand meant 'I'm okay, I'm still here'._

_He turned and walked away. She didn't say a word, hand over her mouth, almost unable to watch him go. She didn't say a word._

She didn't say a word. She should have said... What should she have said? What could she have said? _Something_, after all those years. Instead, she had just let him go, not a word, no goodbye.

He was brave enough to do what he did, and she hadn't even been brave enough to tell him that she would miss him.

Alone in her room, Adelle slapped her hand down on her desk. Brave! Was it brave, what he did? Was it not just the easy way out? She had to pick up the pieces, carry on, and he was gone, free of it all.

Did she envy him? Did she begrudge him that? She downed the last of her drink and let her head fall heavily into her hands. _No_, said that little voice in her head. Of course she didn't.

He had become a hero in this new world. Their strong, self-sacrificing saviour. But she knew it wasn't like that. He was broken inside, hurt and destroyed beyond repair. He wanted to fix it. He wanted to fix the world, yes, but he wanted to fix himself too. Everyone was a little bit selfish.

He hurt too much. And so it was just as sad to her, just as brave, just as worth remembering, because he should never have had to feel that way. But he did.

And that was why she had let him go. She knew that. She knew it had to be done, and she knew why, for him, it had to be him. That smile haunted her, alone in the dark, the smile that seemed to say so much, give her a different message every time. "It's okay. Don't worry. I'm okay now. Thank you. You understand. I love you."

With a sigh, she pulled herself out of her chair. As she got ready for bed, she looked at herself in the mirror. Old, haggard. In the morning, she would be young, fresh, the picture of control and safety.

She collapsed into her bed, pulled the covers tight around her. She closed her eyes, but the silent tears still came pouring out, as they had every night since she watched him go.


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N: New chapter, more speech. Thank you for the reviews so far, they're greatly appreciated! More are also greatly appreciated...**

* * *

_"We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

Over a year passed. The new world was taking shape, though not without its great share of obstacles. Adelle, Michael and Camilla returned to LA.

"I can't believe I'm back in this place again. It's crazy," Michael said, as he drove the last distance.

"It's different now," Adelle told him.

"Yes, but... memories. And they're not exactly doing a spectacular job of rebuilding the place here."

It was true, the city was still one of ruins. But people lived here, governed, and they had shelter and food and clothes. An economy was being established. They were on their way.

Cam, squashed between them on the front seat of the van they had commandeered for this task, yawned and stretched, lifting her head from Adelle's shoulder. The spot where it had lain felt cold.

"Are we nearly there?" the young girl asked.

Michael laughed, patted her knee. "Awake now, are we? Sweet dreams? I've been driving for hours." He glanced at her for a second and grinned. "Not far now, girl."

"Okay." Cam pulled her legs up onto the seat, and snuggled back against Adelle, who regarded her for a moment, then lifted a hand to brush the hair out of the child's face. Cam smiled.

"I'm looking forward to meeting your friends," she said.

"Yes..." murmured Adelle. "Let's just hope they're looking forward to meeting us."

A few minutes later, they rounded a corner, and there, in front of them, was the Rossum building, unchanged from the last time they saw it. Adelle gazed - just a second too long, Michael thought - at the blown-out windows of the top floor. Then she flicked her eyes away and squeezed Cam. "Right," she said, "let's go."

Michael parked the car in the deserted area. The debris had been cleared away, but no rebuilding had begun in this section. The three of them climbed out of the van, Cam yawning and stretching.

"I remember it here," Cam said. "It doesn't look any different."

Michael put his hand on her shoulder as Adelle walked towards the doors of the building. As she reached them, she looked back over her shoulder, her long dark hair glinting in the sunlight. "Are you coming?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Michael hesitated. But Cam took his hand and pulled him forwards. "Come _on_, Michael, you wimp. There's nothing to be scared of in there."

They entered the trashed building and began to make their way towards the sealed entrance. It was dark, damp and cold, and Adelle thought she heard the scurrying feet of rats. Thankfully, she thought, Cam did not seem to have heard the movements – the girl, despite her big talk, had a mortal fear of the animals. Ever since an unfortunate incident early in the recovery process...

"We're here," she said.

"Here? A... trapdoor?" said Cam.

"Yes, sweetheart. What were you expecting?"

The little girl folded her arms and frowned. "Something a bit more impressive."

Adelle laughed and crouched down, reaching out to lift the door.

"Addie, wait," hissed Michael, grabbing her shoulder.

"What?" she exclaimed.

"What if it didn't work? What if the reset still reached them down here? What will they..."

"Are you _scared_, Michael?" Adelle asked, smirking playfully. "There's nothing to worry about. Even if they have been reset. In which case I expect they would already have left. Now, come on."

He scowled. "I'm just saying we should be wary, that's all. It's been a year – who knows what could have happened?"

"Relax, Michael," she whispered, opening the trapdoor. But privately she was worried. She wasn't exactly sure why, but... she was nervous. About seeing Echo again. About being in the Dollhouse again. And, of course, there was the possibility that they were all dead.

She grasped the rope and slid down it. The sound of her feet hitting the floor echoed around the open space. Above, Michael helped Camilla onto the rope before sliding down himself.

"Wow," breathed Camilla, staring around the brightly lit room. "_This_ is impressive."

Suddenly, a voice called out, "Don't move! Stay where you are." The little group turned slowly to see a young, dark haired woman step out from one of the corridors, pointing a gun directly at them. Cam gave a sharp intake of breath and Michael instinctively moved in front of her.

But the gun was lowered almost immediately.

"Adelle?"

"Echo."

* * *

**A/N: So the chapter ends there mainly because I thought it was getting too long in comparison to the others so far... it's not much of a cliffhanger, I know. And no Topherness in this either... Next chapter, there will be. So... thoughts?**


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N: Okay, still lacking Topher. I'm afraid I'm losing control of this story slightly now, because it's spiralling a little, but never fear – I've made a proper plan now and it's back on track. If I could be bothered, I'd edit what I've already done (if not posted) to make it more concise... So, yeah. Here we go.**

* * *

_"We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

"Adelle?"

"Echo." Adelle stepped forward, wry smile on her lips. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm good, thank you. Except I'm going stir-crazy locked up in here." She laughed and moved forward. "This is it? We can leave now?"

Adelle smiled. "I think so."

Echo laughed again. "Well, in that case, I am so glad to see you!" The two women embraced briefly, Echo's gun nudging Adelle's back.

"Where are the others?" Adelle asked.

"In the kitchen," Echo replied. "It's dinnertime... I heard a noise; they thought I was just being paranoid."

As they began to walk to the kitchen, Echo fell into step by Camilla. "Hey, mini-me."

"What?" Cam frowned.

"Nothing." Echo smiled. "What's your name?"

"Camilla."

"And is Zone looking after you? We've heard many stories about him..."

Michael, walking ahead by Adelle, turned. "It's Michael now," he said.

"Oh, sure, okay."

They reached the kitchen and Adelle pushed down the door handle.

There were hugs and joyous cries galore in the minutes that followed, rejoicing that they were finally, almost, free.

"What's happening up there, Adelle?" Priya asked, releasing her friend from an embrace. "Is it... better?"

Adelle smiled. "Yes, it's better. There's a long way to go... but yes, it's better. But come on!" she cried, clasping Priya's arm. "Let's go, shall we? You must be dying to get out of here."

"We've been here over a year," said Tony. "Another hour or so to catch up on what's happening on the surface isn't going to make much difference. Sit down."

And for the next hour, they sat in the kitchen as Adelle began to explain what had happened after the reset had happened, describing the long and difficult rebuilding programme she had begun. She told them about the people who were struggling to adjust to what had happened in the years they had lost; about the logistical issues of shelter and food and reconstructing almost every city; about the problems in D.C. and Tokyo; about their continued attempts to destroy all the tech. It was long and exhausting, but so satisfying to hear – to say it like this made it so clear cut, made Adelle feel that, yes, she was doing good.

* * *

**A/N: Is that end-of-chapter a bit weak there? Hmm... See, my problem is, I know I want Adelle to be doing lots of stuff, rebuilding the world, etc, and I know that that's a really big and difficult job, but a) I don't want to go into too much detail about that, because it's not what this story is for, and b) I struggle to think of any details about that anyway, because it's _so _big and difficult. So I'll just gloss over it... it's implied...**


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N: This is a bit of a sidenote chapter, because I find the whole Mag and Zone thing really interesting, and so I just had to have them talk. But it does have relevance, promise.**

* * *

"_We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

Afterwards, they all went to gather together their belongings, preparing to leave and never come back. Michael sat with Cam in the main space, gazing around at the Dollhouse. He had learnt more about it in the year since he had last been inside, thanks to Adelle. It amazed him that this spa-like environment had spawned such destruction.

"Hey."

He looked up to see a slim, red-headed young woman on makeshift crutches approaching him. They hadn't had a chance to speak yet.

Cam looked up too. She grinned. "Are you her? Are you Mag?"

The woman smiled back. "I was. It's Lucy again now." She sat down opposite them, turning her gaze to Michael.

"Nice to meet you, Lucy," he said, smirking.

"And you?" she asked. "Are you still Zone?"

He shook his head. "No. Michael. And..."

"I'm Cam. Camilla. And I'm so excited to meet you! Michael's told me lots about you."

"Oh! Well..." Lucy laughed nervously. "It's good to meet you, Cam. Are you okay? Is... Michael looking after you alright?" She raised an eyebrow at her old comrade.

"Oh, yes, he's great. Well, you know, mostly. He can't, like, do hair or anything... and he's a bit-"

"Okay, Cam," interrupted Michael, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Why don't you go and find Addie?"

Cam opened her mouth, looked from Michael to Lucy, and closed it again. With a loud sigh, she stood up. "Fine, okay. But I can talk you later, right?" she asked Lucy, who nodded, smiling, before Cam headed off.

Lucy grinned at Michael. "Addie?"

Michael gave her a look. "So how's your year been?"

"Oh, you know. Dreadfully dull. I've been living underground whilst you've been pioneering a new civilisation."

"The little Asian?" Michael asked.

Lucy smiled. "Well, there have been bright spots. So," she asked, using her crutches to manoeuvre herself into the empty space beside Michael, "have they reopened Berkeley yet?"

He laughed. "Not quite. There's a lot of call for landscape architects, though."

"I suppose so." Lucy sighed. "It's so strange, Z... Michael. I've had a lot of time to think, down here. And... we fought together for two years, trying to resist the tech, stay safe and hold onto ourselves. But I don't know you, and you don't know me. We gave ourselves codenames. It seems like it doesn't really matter that we didn't get wiped."

"Yeah. I know. It's... Once the tech happened, nothing could ever be the same, could it? Well, it's a new start for everyone now. And a few centuries – maybe just decades – down the line, some fool will come up with a way to bring civilisation crashing down again."

"You're just a ray of sunshine, aren't you?"

Michael gave his barking laugh. "Well, come on. It's just human nature, isn't it? People are power hungry. Or just curious... and look where it gets us."

Lucy didn't reply, and they sat in silence for a moment. Then she asked, "I thought you weren't going to come back? I thought you were going to take off, find some place safe on the sidelines, and watch the new world go by? Get away from all this."

"Yeah, I thought so too," he replied. "But... I couldn't. At first, there was just a lot to do – all these people waking up and only me and Addie knew what had happened. So I stuck around, to help with that... and then there was more to do, and this, and that... and Adelle didn't have anyone else, you know? I couldn't leave her to do all that work on her own."

Lucy looked at him, surprised. "Really? I would have thought that's exactly what you'd do. I thought you didn't want anything to do with that stuff. I thought you didn't like Adelle."

Michael hesitated before replying. "There was just the two of us. The war was over. Her friend had just died. Everything changed."

"And now you're rebuilding the world, side by side, her right hand man. And to think she threatened to chop off your tongue and boil it in the soup."

Michael grinned. "She still does, sometimes."


	7. Chapter Seven

**A/N: So it's been a long time since I updated. Apologies. I've had exams and essays... but now, finally, I'm free! Well, almost. One exam left. And then 3 months of summer. Time for fiction and fanfiction galore. So here is the next chapter. Perhaps it's a bit long a convoluted... I was pretty much making it up as I went along - I didn't really know what Adelle was going to say or what her view was at this point, and what came out surprised me a bit in parts. But anyway. Here we go.**

* * *

_"We literally become what we do, not what we've done or will do. We're best defined by our actions in the moment." _(Bennett Halverson, Epitaph Two)

* * *

Cam found Adelle in one of the pod rooms. She was about to run towards her when she realised that Adelle was standing very still, fists clenched, looking at a strange collection of objects around one of five holes in the ground. Cam wasn't sure what, but she could tell something was up.

"Addie?" she said softly, stepping forward. Adelle spun around, surprised to see the girl standing there. "Michael told me to come and find you."

"Oh... Yes, I... I suppose we'll be going soon." She coughed and glanced back at the adorned pod, but her eyes shot up again quickly. She tried to smile.

"Are you okay?" Cam asked tentatively.

"Me? Yes, I'm... I'm fine, sweetheart."

"Really? You don't look it," she replied, crossing her arms and peering up at Adelle, seeming much older than eleven. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at the pod.

"That..." said Adelle, turning around and taking a step back to survey the pod. Cam came to stand by her side. Adelle looked down at her. "That is where a good friend of mine used to reside."

"Reside?" repeated Cam, looking up at Adelle. "You mean your friend slept in there?"

"Yes, and... lived in there. He didn't... he didn't like to leave."

Cam opened her mouth, but closed it again. A man had lived there? Why did he have all that crazy stuff? Why was thinking about him making Adelle so sad?

Cam looked up. "I don't understand. Who was he?"

Adelle shot a look at the little girl who was peering at her so curiously. Eyebrows raised, she turned back to the pod, but didn't speak. What a question. How to explain who Topher was... It was something she struggled with every day.

"He was my friend," she began, uncertainly. "He worked here with us before... before everything went wrong. He..." She knew that Cam knew who Topher was, knew him as the hero who had freed them all. But she found she wanted her to understand the real Topher, the one she had known.

Cam was still looking up at her, brow creased. Adelle smiled, properly this time, and took Cam's arm. "Here," she said, "let's sit down." She guided Cam to one of the empty pods and they sat with their legs dangling over the edge. They sat there for a little while before Adelle spoke again. Cam could tell that this issue was particularly important to her and she didn't want to push it. It was so rare that Adelle spoke about the past to her.

"We worked very closely together," Adelle began suddenly. "You know I ran this house... Well, he was its brains. He was young and carefree and a complete genius. He seemed to have no worries at all, no concerns about what he was doing. That was exactly what I wanted.

"But as time went by, I got to know him better. Moral issues aside, he was a lovely boy. Very childlike, full of humour, and very... lonely. Even before the storm, before he retreated to this pod, he didn't like to leave the Dollhouse. He slept in a room behind his office. He had a trampoline and a pinball machine and a penchant for juice cartons. He..." Adelle broke off, unsure just how much she should tell Cam. She remembered sitting in her office and watching Topher play on his birthday, programming a doll to be her friend. Even now, so many years later, the pain and tenderness she had felt at those moments came bubbling back up. No, she wouldn't tell Cam about that. Those memories were private. Even Topher had never known she knew.

"The tech that he invented, the imprints he made, they were all just another type of game to him. He was so curious, so very curious. He didn't think about the implications. All of his life, he had never really been a part of the world, so how could he be expected to think as it did? He just wanted to see what could be done. And he always made sure to take care of the Actives. It was a game, and he was God."

"You're not making him sound very good, Addie," said Cam when she paused. She knew about the Dollhouses and about Adelle's role, but she also knew that Adelle hated what had happened. Or so she thought. But here she was talking in loving tones about this man who, it seemed, had revelled in everything they now worked so hard against.

"Oh. I know," she replied. "But he was. Oh, he was. Maybe not always... but he was very good. He developed a conscience." Suddenly, Adelle laughed. How much better off he would have been without that! But would he still have been the Topher that she loved? It made her shiver inside to remember all the pain it had caused him, but caring had been an integral part of him. He had been her conscience. He still was.

"He began to wonder what was really the right thing. That's a more difficult question than you can imagine. He struggled with it for a long time, and he couldn't always get it right. But he tried. Yet he couldn't stop his curiosity... He invented something new, something dreadful, something he knew could never be used. The remote wipe and imprint tech." Cam gasped. Adelle looked at her. That tech was infamous, despised. They had spent the last year attempted to destroy every last bit of it.

Cam gasped. "Topher Brink?" she exclaimed. "That's who lived here? Your friend was Topher Brink?"

"Yes," said Adelle, simply.

"But... but he..." Cam struggled to know what to say. The world saw Topher as a hero, but the way Adelle described him wasn't very heroic at all. "I don't understand."

"He never meant for it to be used," Adelle said. "You know that. I... Rossum got hold of it another way."

Adelle looked down, unable to meet Cam's gaze, her cheeks flushing. She couldn't do it. She had never been able to. She couldn't tell Cam what her role had been. She couldn't bear to have the young girl look at her with that criticising gaze. She was too ashamed of what she had done, and ashamed now of her inability to admit it. She had betrayed him... Every day, she hated herself a little more for that. If she hadn't, none of this would have happened. Would it? She had wanted her job back, wanted to protect the House, but surely there would have been another way? A way to protect them all and bring down Rossum without giving them the tech they needed to destroy everything? Without betraying the person she was closest to, who even then she had considered a son? She flinched as she remembered what he had said to her. The coldest bitch on the planet. He had said he'd trusted her... How could she have done that? How?

She shook her head to clear it. No. She had to stop thinking like this. It wasn't helpful, not at all. What was done was done, and she was clearing up the mess. She would never understand why Topher hadn't blamed her, but she had never stopped trying to make up for it, trying to prove that she was worthy of his trust, that she really did have a heart. He blamed himself, and she blamed herself. But where had punishing himself got him? She did what she had to do. Maybe it wasn't the right thing, or the best thing... But it was like she had said to Cam. What was the right thing, really? It was so hard to know. Things could have gone just as badly if she hadn't handed it over. Rossum would have found a way, and she would have had no power to help at all.

"Adelle?" said Cam, concerned. "What are you thinking? Are you okay?"

Adelle looked back up with a small smile. "Yes, I... I was explaining about Topher's tech. I know you don't understand. People have created their own picture of him... But he made that tech of his own free will. And he hated himself for having been the one to make it. It drove him crazy. Quite literally insane – his mind wasn't his own. After we blew up the Rossum headquarters, he just struggled to hold on. He'd... he'd lost a lot too. He was betrayed... by a man who he had thought was his friend," and by me, she added silently. "He lost the woman he loved. Her name was Bennett Halverson..." Adelle thought back with a shudder to that dreadful day. She had entered the office to find that young woman slumped in the chair, her brains blown all over the wall. And Topher, crouched on the floor, shaking, rocking, moaning. Unable to comprehend. She had gone straight to him, horrified to see him so helpless and hurt. "And the tech he had invented was destroying the world. He had never wanted that. He was just curious...

"I know I'm not explaining very well. I'm sorry. You probably didn't want me to go on at you like this..." She smiled at Cam. "I just wish you could have known him. I think you would have got along very well." She laughed. "He really wasn't bad, you know," she added when Cam didn't speak. "I know that in this world now, anything to do with tech is dreadful. I know that the tech he created did terrible things. But he paid the price. He really did. And he was just... he was only human, Cam. He was only human, struggling with the same things we all do, trying to work it out. It's just that his mistakes had quite a monumental effect..." He voice trailed off for a moment. "I loved him, Cam. I loved him like I love you. He was a son to me. We lived together for ten years and I tried my best to take care of him, to help him. But in the end... in the end, there wasn't anything I could do."

In the silence, Cam said, "So he died. And he was your friend. I'm sorry, Addie."

"Yes..." Adelle swallowed. She pulled her legs up, tucking them underneath her and swivelling to face Cam, who turned to look at her. "Yes, he died." It was something she struggled to say aloud. "He was a good man, who bad things happened to, and he died."

Cam stared at Adelle, trying to take it in. Adelle smiled, a small, wry, smile.

"It's so..." Cam began. "Everyone thinks he's a hero. We knew he made the tech but... but not like you said. Like he enjoyed it. How can he be a hero when he did it all because it was a game?"

"No," said Adelle sharply. "No. He is a hero. He was horrified by what his tech had done, by what his curiosity had led to. He blamed himself. He shouldn't have, it... it wasn't his fault. He couldn't live with it. And then he found a way. A way to make everything go back to how it used to be. A way to erase the damage his tech had done, as best he could. But that reset came with a price. He did not do anything to hurt you, or anyone, ever. He never wanted that tech to be used. He did everything he could to stop it. He never stopped punishing himself for what happened, even though nobody blamed him. He never stopped trying to make it right, even though in the end it cost him his life. He is a hero."


End file.
